Saturday, January 09, 2010
3:35:00 amanyway...the rashes is back again. i need to dig the medicine out, just in case it spreads to my other fingers. fingers crossed* i just hope it doesn't itch too much till it's swollen.
i just realise how fragile life could be. 2 to 3 months ago i receive news of the death of a classmate's kin, but just 12hours ago i receive news of the death of a classmate's kin again. however this time round he is more of a friend than a classmate to me. we were in the same class for 3years, everyone in the class suffered, joked and studied diligently together. besides that i believed everyone in the class has a fair share of nagging, scoldings and uncontrollable temper from both Ben and me. it was shocking to receive news about it earlier yesterday afternoon, about a kin of a close ex-classmate of mine pass away.
to be truthful I've imagined/dreamt of my parents death several times at night when i sleep, causing me to wake up in the wee hours, drench in cold sweat. i wonder why...
i dislike visiting funerals, even if its a close relative of mine. this has always been a fear of mine since young, whenever i tell my friends about it they are always confused. the reason is simple... i don't have a fun-loving childhood. my childhood memories are mostly filled with the deaths of my loved ones. almost every year without fail, my family will received news of it. these incidents happens during my primary and pre-school years, imagine how young i was then? i witness many deaths since young, i even witness how ill my dad got, during the wake of my grandmother. the memory of it seems so fresh, as though it just happen yesterday. besides that, i believe not many of my friends has witness that before, the process of a living person to pass away right in front of you. it is even more horrifying than a horror movie shown in the cinema, giving me sleepless nights for more than a week. :(
secondly, i hate taking bus service 162 from orchard or from Peirce. but on second thought...i seems to hate taking bus services which passes by that building. it reminds me of my childhood.
i am..
MICHELLEsomehow ppl does not feel my presence or deem that i exist. am i that invisble or useless?
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Craps..
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